Let me tell you a story about what is it like to find out someone doesn’t like you.
It was a normal day when I was waiting for my wife to finish her work in Prague when some stranger approached me and start asking me some questions about his schoolwork, he was studying psychology. I wasn’t very much at talking mood at that moment. So we agreed on meeting some other day.
When this day came, we met at the supposed place and we weren’t alone. Some other person who I didn’t know about was there. A fellow student of the first person, I was initially supposed to meet. But that’s not the problem, the more people, the more subjects to observe of course, hah. As I point out the fact, you might think he will be somehow important for the story and he will.
We shook hands and agreed on going to the nearby café to start their survey.
At the moment we started with their questioning ergo my answering, I started noticing something strange but I will save it for a bit later.
I was questioned about my emotions about my life and my future plans, easily said, and when I started talking about my life and about how I plan my future, what I want to achieve and so on. I have noticed, that the guy, I didn’t know about started to be a little withdrawn.
I have noticed, he was a little leaning away, wasn’t engaged in eye contact very much, were faking smile a little, so I was picking up clusters of the behaviour of his. And it was pretty obvious what was going on there, something in bothered him, he was maybe upset with me, I didn’t know. Nevertheless, it was a very interesting observation.
When I mentioned, I am in body language and facial expressions, he immediately asked me what I have read from him, I decided not the reveal all information, I have gathered and because we were talking about smile at the moment, I told him, I’ve spotted some fake smiles in his face, he as a dumbfounded but didn’t protest very much.
The conversation went on, and when we were finishing this session the topic about being body language coach came up again, and the guy, I didn’t know about asked me again what I have found.
So I decided to confront him, I said to myself that there is not a lot of opportunities to actually confirm readings like this, so I told him what I’ve noticed and what I think. I told him that I noticed he is leaning away, he’s faking smile often, he is not making eye contact, rotating his torso away from me, even when he is in the seating position which is unthreatening.
He had this shocked and a bit guilty face and said I was not far from the truth because he found my goals for the future as a bit too much, too nice to be realistic. And this was the reason for being such a negative and withdrawn.
It ends up well, we left with the smile and no hurt feelings, so don’t you worry.
Observing body language is a very important skill when you are meeting people and you want to be a good communicator. We all need to be perceptive towards what and how other people talk to us. Because as it is said: “The way you say something is actually what you say.” It is not two different things but just two sides of one coin.
Observing gives all the valuable information about how the person feels at the moment, whether he is happy and totally enjoying the conversation or she is sad or angry. Whether she or he likes you and wants something more, or not. When you will be able to pick up these signs, you will become great because you will see things that other people don’t want to say out loud but are hoping others will decode and react to correctly.